Confirm. Iv got no choice yet again, she’s managed to get me to unblock her! “MUMMMMMM!!!!! Kyles mum wants you on the phone” Fuking great that’s the abusers brothers Girlfriend… “Hi I got he dates wrong for Alfie’s birthday, it’s on Friday not Saturday, can the kids come I just need to know for numbers, the abuser said she will take them but it’s up to you?” On loud speak infront of my eldest, as you can imagine he’s jumping up and down with excitement. “Yes course, that’s fine”. It is not fine, far from Fuking fine! Now I have to unblock her to organise the kids being picked up and dropped off.
iMessage:
Poppie: Did you say you was going to take the kids on Friday?
The Abuser: ye.
Poppie: ok.
The Abuser: You will have to message me Friday and let me know the plans.
Poppie: I’ll pick them up from school, get them changed, so you let me know what time to have them ready.
The Abuser: K.
The Abuser: Will you message Dylan wen the rest of my stuff is done coz I need it.
Poppie: Done last bits of washing will be done tomorrow, I’ll put wet washing in a different bag.
The Abuser: “The Abuser liked your message”.
So that’s me all week worrying about Friday, no doubt she will message in the mean time and because I won’t give in to her, she will kick off and then say she’s not taking them, then she will, then she won’t, in the end she will. It’s the same pattern every single time, it’s tiering. Then more than likely she will kick off saying I use her bla bla bla, and it’s best she doesn’t see the kids, YAWNNNNNN!!!!
What she hasn’t realised yet is that I can read her like a book, I’m the only real person who knows her, inside and out (wink, wink). Shes turned her *read off her messages (Shes pathetic like that) so i turn my off (Shes made me pathetic like that). Its my Second childs birthday on Saturday, i thought that was going to be the excuse to get hold of me, because trust me that is coming. She will not be happy atall when she finds out im having a party for him at my mums (Which she is now banned from because iv told my mum about the weekend, shes absouletly morrtified at what iv been through). Its only 19:58, still time for her to contact me again now she knows iv unblocked her. She is trying to act cool and act like shes not arsed but i know she is, iv got no doubt in my mind about that. Shes madly in love with me, as i am her, she protects me in every way, crossing the road no problem she is my eyes, i felt so safe around her, she was my safety blanket. I have never felt love like it, i fell like a ton of bricks from her. I HATE anyone touching me, cannot stand it but her i just wanted her to cuddle me, and thats what i cannot get out my head, visions of her with someone else.
Anyway…. give myself a slap! This time round, what im doing different is anytime i thing nice thoughts i make myself remember the bad times, its not hard because there was a hell of a lot more bad times and black eyes than there was good times and smiles. What really baffles my head is that no matter what she has done she never, EVER says sorry, not ever. Abviously because she doesnt think what she is doing is wrong. How can someone seriously beat their partner to a pulp, completley change their face, look at them the next day and say ”OR i carnt ever look at you, look at the state of your face”. So you, the person who has blackened my eyes, busted my nose, busted my lip carnt look at me? but i have to look everyday in the mirror, my kids have to look at me, teachers, bus drivers, everyone. I hate the next day after she has hit me, i get so embarressed seeing people and they look with this same look… Lips pierced in like a sad, sypathy smile, head tilt to the side. ”She only slammed on the breaks like a geekand smashed her face on the stiring wheel” the abuser rushes to tell everyone. You know what makes me cringe, she genuinley thinks that people believe her.
