Its 2:45am 2nd November and my alarm is ringing down my ear. ”OH SHITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!” i jump up and run down stairs nearly killing myself tripping as i do so. ”GET UP IT IS 2:45am!!!!!!” i scream at the abuser. *Knock Knock* her brother is here to drop us off at the airport. running round like headless chickens getting ready, we are on the motoway ready for 3:00am!! we havnt brushed our teeth! my hair is the only thing that looks decent, my eyes are puffy and iv got a huge gash on my nose from the nightbefore.
I can take the punches, the blows, the slaps and the back handers, sadly im used to them now. but the thing is the Abuser has a huge solid gold initial ring, thats what causes the damage, the pain and the scars.
We get through security, thankfuly. its a relief. Why? Beacuse i have 2 3.5s of green leaves up my vagina and 15 1/2 a grams of cocaine. i have to do this otherwise it will cost the abuser to much money once we get in spain. its ok if i get caught thou its only me, a mum of 3 children. Dont judge me, lots of people do it. I had no choice my life wouldnt be worth living if i didnt. everyone looks anyway at us because we are *Lesbians* i dont know what the big deal is really, but they look even more when im covered in bruises and cuts. some people just look away and sme stare. ”What they staring at? does my fuking heading” i just look at her and look away because what i really want to say is ”ME!!!!!! they are looking at me, because you have beaten me up YET AGAIN!!”. Its not worth it, just stay quiet.
As the plane door is closed my heart is beating like a drummer boys drum at christmas (That can get fuked anall). Im scared of flying, all sorts run through my head. To be honest i didnt even want t be on that plane, i didnt even want to go anywhere. The abuser is sat in the chair in front. I open my book and begin to read, a bit of peace and quiet and try take my mind of the fact i was in the bloody sky. This is the first time we have flown abroad together soba! so everything is going well, we have finally got to the room safe and sound, all moods are high, the weather is a bit on the dull side.
”Its not windy in the bars thou isit Bab”. This was the name she would call me when we was on good terms, or Darling. I loved the pet names she called me id never had one before, it made me feel special. Anyway she was right it doesnt, so off we pop to the bars, knott in my stomach, i know exactly how this is going to end. oh wait i have a email….
Emails:
The Abuser: Anything you find while you are going threw the case, can you bag it for me and i will come grab it and drop off the bracelets receipts and kids passports.
Poppie: Ok.
I would of just ignored it but i need the receipts for the kids bracelets for christmas otherwise id loose them to.
Sooooo off to the bars we went, bump or two down and litlle miss Aggy starts to show. starts with the usual digs ”You alright you?” ”You havnt stopped looking at every man than walks passed” (Bare in mind iv learnt not to walk with my head up, i dont look at a sole, if my eyes go slightly off her face thats it, MURDERS). I manage to swerve it and shrug it off. The more bumps, the more it gets worst. ”Your a fuking Slag” is the legendary one. ”FUCK THIS!!!! I CBA im going back to the door” i storm off, ”Do you mean my room?” Sarcy bitch comes out then. at this point i know at some point im going to be kicked out the room in spain.
Im waiting and waiting in the room, baring in mind we been up since early hours, no show. I have no option to text her mum, which i never have done before. The abuser doesnt know her way round the area as much as me. I take myself to bed knowing she is ok following a conversation with her mum.
*BANG* ”DONT YOU TEXT MY FUKING MAM AGAIN YOU FUKING SLAG”. Im holding my face in pain as shes just punched me right in my nose again. ”AWWWW look at you crying, dont fuking text my mam then you slag!”. I scream and beg for her to leave me alone. After taking myself out the bedroom and try get comfy on the couch she appears ”Get the fuck out of my room, i paid for it you money grabbing little slag”. Next thing i know im being dragged my hair out the room, trying to hold on she pulls me even more banging my back and whole body of every wall. As i managed to get on my feet, *BOOM* head but right in my mouth, as i drop to the floor i feel her twisting my head round her hand to drag me out, she succeeded. Now im stuck in spain with my Abuser still screaming abuse at me as a try to get down the stairs, my body is in agony and my eyes have swollen up. ”How long are you going to put up with this, you are going to end up dead” is something i think to myself daily. I know i can get do this, but am i really that strong enough to leave? i hope so.
